Blonde with chickens

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.

The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?''

The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!''

The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?''

The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"



Flights from America to England

A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.



Funny Jokes on Mistakes

If a barber makes a mistake, It's a New Style

If a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path

If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a New Venture

If parents makes a mistake, It is a New Generation

If a politician makes a mistake, It is a New Law

If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a New Invention

If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a New Fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake, It is a New Theory

If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea

If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake Only



The Clever Judge

One man started a fight with the others. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”

The man said, “Here and there.”

The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”

The man said, “This and that.”

The judge then said, “Take him away.”

The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”

The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”



Funny Questions and Answers from Springdale, Arkansas

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.  read more »



lawyer do have Heart, BUT

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.  read more »



Custody of child after divorce

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.

The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
So the jury asks the woman first.

She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me."

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.  read more »



English VS the French

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!  read more »



How did the human race begin?

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?" The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"  read more »



Guess The Movie

Me : So I just watched this film where a mans wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend : uhhhhhh
Friend : What was it called ?
Me: Finding Nemo

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