Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

* The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.

* Eskimos don’t believe in bridges or tunnels.

* Every sixteen minutes, someone named Richard dies.

* Billy Bob Thornton’s grandfather was the first person to own a television.

* Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined.

* On a dare, former President Rutherford B. Hayes declared war on Chile for 17 minutes.

* The original title for Catcher in the Rye was Hey, Look, a Carousel!  read more »

Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What’s the matter?
Boy: With my math.
Operator: With your mouth?
Boy: No with my math. I have to do it. Will you help me?
Operator: Sure. Where do you live?
Boy: No with my math.
Operator: Yeah I know. Where do you live though?
Boy: No, I want you to talk to me on the phone.
Operator: No I can’t do that. I can send someone else to help you.
Boy: Okay.
Operator: What kind of math do you have that you need help with?  read more »

Practical jokes should be done in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The best jokes are the clever ones where everyone laughs, especially the person who had the joke played on them.

These are many types of pranks and jokes ideal for April Fools Day.

1. Advertise your bosses job in the local newspaper - (Great if you want to get fired !).

2. Get a balloon and put it on the tailpipe of a truck  read more »

• Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.  read more »

Garage Sale
Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, just come around back and come early!

Oil Spot
At night pour used oil underneath the  read more »

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.  read more »

One of the pranks that I know of that isn't really harmful but still amusing is the "bathtub jello" one.

I've heard about couples returning from their honeymoon to find nothing out of the ordinary - until they go to take a shower/bath, when they find that their bathtub is full of jello.

It's easy to do - although I think it's better to make in layers if you have the time (you can assure that it's set that way).

Just run hot water, dump in lots of jello and *lots* of ice cubes, then stir.  read more »

"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me."
--Bobcat Goldthwait

"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' "
--Paula Poundstone

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"  read more »

1. "What's Wal-Mart? Do they, like, make walls there?" - Paris Hilton

2. "Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

3. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death stuff." - Mariah Carey  read more »

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."  read more »