Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  read more »

Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed more half and half for the coffee.

While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the oven.

When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the oven and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.  read more »

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale.

'Sorry, ma'am,' says the clerk. 'Our baby scale is broken.

But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.'

'Oh, that won't work,' says the blonde.

'Why not?' asks the clerk.

'Because,' she answers, 'I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt.'

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it's superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned:  read more »

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having problems.

No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform.

It wouldn't plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.  read more »

Q. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A. She’s trying to hold on to a thought.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her meals would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run like hell…she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A1: Because they can spell it.  read more »

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?  read more »

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the poptart out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He's the one on his bike.

Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.

Q. Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.  read more »

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead’s house while the redhead’s father was out.

The father had a pet parrot, which he did not let anyone else touch. But, when he left, the girls took him out.

The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.

“Now you’ve done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde. “Go buy him another one just like that, here’s some money.” The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50. “  read more »