Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.  

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people 

→ Ship by truck and 
→ Send cargo by ship? 

→ Have noses that run and 
→ feet that smell? 

→ How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while 
→ a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

→ Recite at a play and 
→ Play at a recital? 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which 

→ Your house can burn up as it burns down, 

→ You fill in a form by filling it out, and 

→ An alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That  is why, 

→ when the stars are out, they are visible, but 
→ when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

→ There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
→ neither pine nor apple in pineapple.  

→ English muffins weren't invented in England or 
→ French fries in France. 

→ Sweetmeats are confectionery while 
→ sweetbreads, which aren't sweet and contain no bread, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that 

→ Quicksand can work slowly, 

→ Boxing rings are square and 

And why is it that 

 → Writers write but fingers don't fing, 

→ Grocers don't groce and 

→ Hammers don't ham? 

→ If the plural of tooth is teeth, 
→ why isn't the plural of booth beeth? 

→ One goose, two geese,   
→ So one moose, two meese? 

→ One index, two indices? (hey, but that's Latin not English) 

Doesn't it seem crazy that 

→ you can make amends but 
→ not one amend. 

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

→ If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 

→ If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

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