Sarcastic Sayings

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Punctualilty is the virtue

Punctualilty is the virtue of the bored.

Lol. I definitely agree with

Lol. I definitely agree with all of them.

very funny

very funny jokes to read.... I enjoyed it

Eagles can soar, but weasels

Eagles can soar, but weasels don't get sucked into Jet engines.

one in a million

If you're one in a million then there are 6000 people exactly like you.


I'm sorry I dont speak idiot.

it's better to keep your

it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think your a fool, then to open it and prove them right.


You can't fix stupid and crazy is forever!!!!

new one

You should take my advice, I don't use it anyway.


Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it's just that your's is stupid.


You think I'm Sarcastic?!
Watch me pretend to care ...

life is as you see it.but i

life is as you see it.but i guess ive gone blind


Oh well, this is even better than the other sarcastic joke collection :D

life is as you see it.but i

life is as you see it.but i guess ive gone blind


This will make you laugh your head off.

Your on your knees all the

Your on your knees all the way up, but I have mine 60 digrees down and I am still higher then you.

I don't get it

I don't get it

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