Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

I tried asking Visa's customer representatives the same security questions they ask us, just to see how they would react. They didn't like it at all, as you can read below.

VISA: ...And for security, I just need your mother's maiden name?

JOHN HARGRAVE: [I tell him] And Barry, for security purposes, I also need your mother's maiden name.

VISA: Uh ... my mother's maiden name, sir?

JH: Uh-huh.

VISA: OK. Uh ... please hold for a moment, sir.

[Hold time of 3:54]

VISA: Yes, thank you for holding. This is cardmember services, my name is Isabelle. May I have your 15-digit card number, please?

JH: Sure. [I give it to her] What happened to Barry? I was just on the phone with him and then there was a very long pause.

VISA: OK, for some reason you got transferred to the fraud department. I'm going to have to transfer you back to customer service.

JH: The fraud department?

VISA: Yeah. Maybe there was just a mixup or something. Maybe they, you know...

JH: It's very confusing and a little bit degrading to be transferred to the fraud department when I'm just trying to up my credit limit.

VISA: I know, I apologize. But maybe a, maybe a wrong button was hit, or something happened like that. Maybe a computer glitch or something. So I'm going to transfer you back to customer service. I think the hold is about 4 or 5 minutes, because I just transferred another person there, OK?

JH: All right.

VISA: All right. Thank you, Mr. Hargrove. Please hold for customer service.

[Hold time of 6:35]

VISA: Thank you for calling credit card services. My name is Nokia. May I have your name?

JH: Nokia, hi. This is John Hargrave. I'm looking to increase my credit limit.

VISA: Thank you. And for security reasons, can I have you please verify your mother's maiden name or password?

JH: My mother's maiden name?

VISA: Yes.

JH: [I tell her]

VISA: Thank you. And you're saying that you wanted a credit line increase, is that correct?

JH: Right. For security purposes, can I have your mother's maiden name?

VISA: [Very long pause]

JH: Hello?

VISA: Hello?

JH: Hello?

VISA: Yes. [Pause] The decision to increase your credit line may be made immediately, or...

JH: I'm sorry, I just, I need your mother's maiden name in order to continue.

VISA: Mr. Hargrave, is there anything else I can help you with today?

JH: I ... I'd like to increase the credit limit.

VISA: OK, and you requested my mother's maiden name?

JH: For security reasons, I have to have that before we can go on and complete the transaction.

VISA: OK, well, if I ask for your mother's maiden name, it's to access your account. What are you trying to access that you need my mother's maiden name for?

JH: I'm sorry. The Customer Rights Act of 2005, just passed by Congress, allows me to ask you up to eight clarifying questions about your identity when conducting a telephone transaction. You guys haven't been trained on this?

VISA: If I give you my mother's maiden name, how are you going to be able to verify that information?

JH: Well, next time I talk on the phone, I have your name and your mother's maiden name and it helps to prevent identity theft. You know, the well-known cases recently where, ah, people were "phonejacked." Basically, they were routed into a sophisticated call center.

VISA: I can give you my first and last name and the call center I work for.

JH: OK, that's great.

VISA: I will not give you my mother's maiden name.

JH: OK, first and last name?

VISA: Nokia Russo.

JH: Uh-huh.

VISA: In Columbus, Ohio.

JH: OK. In Columbus, Ohio, great.

VISA: OK, and...

JH: And for security purposes, I have to ask you to create a secret word or pass... [I start to lose it] ...passphrase. It can be up to seven characters, and you want to think of something that's, that's difficult to guess. For instance, you don't want to use your birthdate.

VISA: Unfortunately, at this time I will be unable to continue this phone call conversation. I'm going to release the call. Thank you.

JH: Hello? I can have our system...

VISA: I'm uncomfortable at this time going through with this conversation.

JH: Why?

VISA: I gave you my first and last name and the site I work for. I can't give you any more information at this time.

JH: Well, we're just going to create a secret word or passphrase. If you'd like, I can have our system automatically generate one for you.

VISA: If you want me to continue with this phone call conversation, I will just need to go ahead and continue with what is concerning your account.

JH: OK. All right, let's increase the credit line.

VISA: What would you like your credit line to be?

JH: [I say a very large number]

VISA: Can you hold one minute while we process your credit line inquiry?

JH: Sure. I'm going to go ahead and have our system create a passphrase for you. But go ahead. You do that.

[Hold time of 4:32]

VISA: Thank you so much for holding for me.

JH: Sure, no problem Nokia. Here's the passphrase, if you could write this down. It's capital B, zero, zero, lower-case b, lower-case z, exclamation point, exclamation point. We'll use that in future communications between us, so please write it down and store it in a secure location.

VISA: [Pause]

JH: Um ... could I have the name of your first pet?

VISA: [Angrily] I will be unable to answer any other questions.

JH: Do you have the time?

VISA: Sorry?

JH: Do you have the time?

VISA: 1:49 pm, eastern standard time.

JH: Well, there you go. I mean, you answered another question.

VISA: I said about myself. That is not about myself.

JH: Oh ... OK. I didn't get that.

VISA: Thank you, sir. You have a nice day. [She disconnects me]

RECORDED MESSAGE: Thank you for calling! If you feel you were disconnected in error, please call back. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Source: http://www.zug.com/pranks/visa/index.html

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