Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

I married Mr. Right. I just didn't know his first name was Always.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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